BY BROOKLYN PINHEIRO
Think back to the first time you had sex. I’m gonna take a chance and say it was not your best performance to date. However long and however many sexual encounters since that fateful day you’ve likely gotten better at it, maybe you even think now that you’ve got a pretty good grasp at this whole sex thing. If that’s the case then being unsatisfied with your sex life would mean that you’re just not doing it with the right person. Through nobody’s fault, the two of you just aren’t meant to be.
According to a study conducted by the University of Toronto maybe you should give each other more of a chance. The study concluded that people who believe that a poor sex life is a result of being with the wrong person (sexual destiny) are more likely to experience unsatisfactory sex compared to those who think sex is something that should be worked at and ever improved upon (sexual growth).
And that dissatisfaction leads directly into how one feels about their relationship as a whole according to Jessica Maxwell, who worked on the study.
“People who believe in sexual destiny are using their sex life as a barometer for how well their relationship is doing, and they believe problems in the bedroom equal problems in the relationship as a whole,” say Maxwell.
Maintaining strong long-term relationships through all that life throws at you can be challenging enough without putting extra pressure on it by dwelling on an unsatisfying sex life. The study composed of six different experiments and close to 1,900 people concluded that those who believe in sexual destiny who then experience a sexual disagreement or disappointment take it harder, as if it’s a sign of relationship incompatibility.
These implicit beliefs are not black and white, but many people can show signs of believing in both sexual growth and sexual destiny. The study did find that there is a tendency with women to display more beliefs that great sex requires work and communication.
So don’t fret if your sex life isn’t everything you want it to be, just spend some more time under the sheets, or in the car, or in the bathroom during family dinner, and communicate with your partner; don’t just throw them away with all your 50 Shades of Grey-inspired desires.
“Your sex life is like a garden – it needs to be watered and nurtured,” said Maxwell
