BY: THE PLAID ZEBRA
Yes, there is actually a man in America who has two functional penises.
Approximately 1 in every 5.5 million Americans are diagnosed with diphallus (not that a doctors diagnosis is at all necessary in determining whether you do, or do not have two sets of genitals). This means that, statistically, there should be a grand total of approximately 57 men in the United States alone with two Johnsons.
Normally, diphallus is accompanied by a number of debilitating bodily growths—most specifically two versions of other organs, which unlike the penises, do not propose any legendary advantages (like sword fighting yourself every-time you go to the washroom).
However, the functionality of the twin-swords is not always guaranteed—it’s different for every case—and in some situations, people with diphallus will even lack the ability to urinate or properly masturbate due to deformations. Some will also get stuck with two very small genitals.
Luckily, the man of topic today—a 20-something only known either by screen name DiphallicDude, or DoubleDickDude—has two large, operable members—both penises weighing in at a whopping eight-inches each— flaccid.
Last year, DoubleDickDude released an AMA (ask me anything) on Reddit, chalking up to be one of the website’s most popular threads. Amongst the questions are: “Can you write your first and last name in the snow simultaneously?”, and “Have you ever peed and had both do the forked stream? That’s a catastrophe with just one penis, I can’t imagine how annoying it must be with four streams.” To which he replied, “Yeah it’s happened and is twice as devastating.”
Although I make a lot of comments about the epic nature of DoubleDickDude’s situation, many readers I’m sure are of the mentality that two dicks, in fact, would be a sexual handi-cap. Who in their right mind would actually find two-dicks attractive? Well I’m here to tell you: A lot of people. In fact, according to DoubleDickDude, he is currently in a committed relationship with both a man and a women. That’s right, DoubleDickDude is bi-sexual. He’s also apparently had sex with over 1000 partners. Although, naturally he caught a lot of flack in high-school, he claims that they simply “hated me because the slutty girls liked me.”
DoubleDickDude is also a best selling author, with his newly released book, Double Header: My Life with Two Penises, topping the charts for 3 different Kindle categories. He’s also been on the radio, and of course is an internet rockstar.
So, are there any downsides to having two eight inch cocks? According to DoubleDickDude, “My prostate gets inflamed if I dont ejaculate enough. I’m probably the only guy with a legit reason to orgasm at least once every day or two days.”