BY: DANIEL KORN
PornHub—yes, that PornHub—is releasing a product that will allow men and women to charge any device by making a quick, arousing trip to the bathroom.
It’s called the WankBand, and it’s a piece of wearable technology that fits around your wrist. Inside the band is a valve with a weight that bounces around when you move your hand up-and-down—like you would when you were, say, pleasing yourself—and stores the kinetic energy, similar to something like a hand-cranked flashlight. Then you just plug in any USB device to the port on the band, and voila—you’ve now powered it up with nothing more than your furious strokes.
I’m not going to lie; this thing is pretty stupid. PornHub is positioning it as a way to be energy-conscious and environmentally-friendly, as if in a couple years the world is going to be powered by a bunch of dudes walking down the street with their hands down their pants. While the notion that the Wankband will conserve energy is technically true, the amount of electricity it takes to charge a device is pretty negligible, which means the wearable’s impact is the same. And have you ever actually tried to use a mechanically-charged flashlight? It’s a ton of physical work for not a lot of power, and that’s for something not nearly as complex as a phone or computer.
Anyways, it’s a gimmicky, dumb little thing, and if you so desire you can sign up to be a beta tester here: http://www.pornhub.com/devices/wankband. You’ll ostensibly get the Wankband for free, and the trailer promises a “special rewards program,” which means you’ll basically be getting rewarded for pleasing yourself. Though you could just as easily wear it on a run, or shake it around a bit, for the same effect. Welcome to the future?