BY: WINNIE YEBUGA
The more break-ups you’ve been through, the more you develop a steady, ‘go-to’ routine after each one. You know the drill. Have a bitch-fest about your ex with your friends over bottomless wine or beer. Spend a night scrolling through Tinder with your buddies, looking for your next hook-up. Wallow in your own self-pity with nothing but a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a stack of shitty rom-coms to keep you company. Or if you opt for something more productive you might start putting in all the effort you gave to your relationship to your job in the hopes that it will enhance your career.
I won’t deny that these passionate steps we take make us feel good in the moment, but it doesn’t usually get us what we want long-term.
Complaining about your ex won’t make them change, or make a more suitable partner show up on your doorstep. Scrolling superficially through Tinder won’t give you the eyes to see the most important qualities you’re looking for in a treasured partner. And let us be reminded, once and for all, that the efforts we make in our professional lives won’t solve issues that we face in our personal lives. So let’s stop buying into that scam.
You may still hold dearly and loyally to the above-mentioned break-up ‘go-to’s, but consider these 5 unconventional ideas for moving on productively from a break-up.
1. Think about what you love about your ex – and only what you love about your ex
Wtf?, you’re saying. I get it, the ex was and still is the scum of the earth in your eyes, but consider for a second that there could be a hint of goodness still lingering around somewhere in your ex – even if it’s only the pinky toe.
If there was something you liked about them then, chances are, those are good qualities you’d appreciate in a new partner. Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger, gives a great piece of advice: make a list of all the attributes you loved about your ex – actually, ALL of your exes – and now you have a list of what you’re looking for in a new partner.
2. Get pissed about everything else that is going wrong in your life, and get busy making changes
You’re already pissed about your ex – that’s great. Keep that angry feeling and direct your anger towards everything else that you’re unhappy with in your life. Keep in mind that if you feel the need to complain about something in someone else’s life, make sure you aren’t smelling the stench of anything in your own life first.
Maybe you’re pissed that your car has been giving you trouble for a year? Take some time out once and for all to finally fix it, or look into getting a new one. Eliminate the problem.
Make sure there aren’t any ‘incompletes’ in your life, or problems unattended to. Make your whole life a checklist to attend to and work on it everyday.
By doing this, you allow for better fertile ground for you to entertain and maintain a new healthy relationship. (And who knows, maybe even a new relationship with your recent ex). The majority of relationships fall apart because of detrimental habits in each person’s relationship with themselves. Make sure you’re setting yourself up, and your life, for a good one.