BY: EMILY PLEASANCE
Busy with his newborn baby, Luke Patrick arrives late to our interview. He and his wife of 12 years, Megan, are a Canadian couple who moved in 2012 from Canada to the French Riviera, where they live in a quaint apartment in Old Town, Nice. Luke and Megan spend all of their time with their little girl. They take her to the park with friends, to the gym when they work out, down to the beach when they swim, and even to their ultimate Frisbee practice. They seem like a traditional, nuclear family; however, this couple is much more liberal than they appear. Luke sits under rainbow coloured bulbs lining the ceiling and by a tree surrounded with butterflies, and animals fill the walls of his daughter’s nursery.
You were raised in a Mormon community.
I wouldn’t say it was a physical community, [it was mostly] just my friend group. Being Mormon, I was always taught that you should never have sex unless it’s the love of your life. I just thought to myself, “Really? Really though?” I felt like I was robbed of all the learning, fun and exploration that one should experience when it comes to sexuality. I quit being Mormon when I was about 17 or 18, and then lost my virginity when I was 19. Then that was that.
Well, you have come a long way from being Mormon to where you are now. How did this all begin with your wife?
Our sex drives were very different and it made us both unhappy. She couldn’t give me what I needed for sex, and I felt guilty for feeling like I asked too much of her. I was a once-a-day guy with a once-a-week girl, and just accepting that fact was a step in the right direction.
So when did this start?
It first started with both of us having sex with other people together. We didn’t consider back then doing anything separately in fear that the other person might find someone they like more: emotionally and sexually. We started off with a woman who was a mutual friend of ours. The three of us were at a party together one night, and we all took MDMA. Instantly there was this crazy connection. Sparks were flying between all three of us that we hadn’t noticed before. Starting a sexual relationship with this woman wasn’t really a choice, it just happened. My wife was actually the one who instigated it. That was our first experience and we both thought “Oh my god! This is the best thing ever!” That trio eventually ended when our friend left to go to medical school in Ottawa. Later on we started doing things separately.
Up until this point, your wife had not yet been intimate with another male. Did anything change for you when she did?
Yes something changed but in a good way. I felt like I wasn’t taking advantage anymore. Up until that point, I was the only one of us who was benefitting from our situation. That didn’t make me feel good at all. It was either both of us with other people or me with other people. It was never just her, you know? When she came back after sleeping with another male for the first time she said, “Now I get it. Now I understand.”
So it evened out the keel?
Exactly. The understanding was completely there now but on both sides. Does it change anything for us? No. Do we feel any different about each other? None whatsoever. The two areas of love and sex don’t even exist in the same realm.
The relationship you have with your wife is very unique. Are there any rules you have agreed on to make things easy?
I remember at the beginning we had to both be present, but that rule doesn’t apply anymore. Other couples have many different rules that we don’t. One would be the idea “You can do this with someone but you can’t do that.” Another one would be the “Do whatever, I just don’t want to know”-type mentality. Our rules are much more simple. The first rule is we always have to wear protection. The second rule is we both have to tell each other every time we have sex with someone else. The third rule is the person we are getting involved with must be aware that we are married. The final rule is that the person we are getting involved with must be single. “We are not about to become home wreckers,” he laughs to himself.
The demographic you are representing is very specific and not many people are willing to talk about these types of relationships. Does anyone know about your relationship, and has there been any animosity from people?
Some of our closest friends knew. They were mostly just interested in hearing about it. Although from speaking with people we did find out that some of our friends had similar circumstances as us. All were varying degrees. There were some who were even more adventurous than us and some less adventurous. I do remember getting some bad reactions from people, I’d say mostly people coming from a religious background. Their true opinions would come out after they had a drink. I had people say to me that I was taking advantage of her, or they would accuse me of not loving my wife. When I got reactions like that I’d just think to myself, “fuck them,” and I’d go home.
Do you think this makes you a stronger couple?
This entire experience has been 100 percent positive for us. It has only been a benefit that made our life happier and our marriage stronger. For me, it solidifies us as a couple. The chances of finding someone else who loves you and would also like to be in this situation is slim. You aren’t going to be allowed to sleep with other people in majority of relationships, let alone marriages. It is just another reason of the many reasons to stay together. People need to just do whatever they want. I’m not saying monogamy is bad, I just think that people should stay to the commitments they make.
I hope my philosophy on sexuality will be the same for my daughter. I think, “Just do what you want to do, and do it safely.” When she grows up and asks about sex, I’ll make sure to be open. I may not tell her that mom is busy because she is having sex with the neighbour, but I will make sure that my child feels safe. I want her to know she doesn’t have to hide anything from me. Sex is awesome and I think that everyone deserves it to be a great experience.
Not that you should label your relationship, but if you had to, what would you define it as?
An open marriage, just open.
To learn more about polyamory check out this episode of Fully Exposed Podcast.
Image source: dailydot.com